Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

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Pittsburgh is the seat of Allegheny County, a county nestled snugly amidst the plateaus of Appalachia. With a population of some 204 people, Pittsburgh is the second-largest city in Pennsylvania. Pittsburgh is known as the "Still City" because it is still there and because on Sundays when the Steelers are playing it becomes very still. Pittsburgh has the most bridges out of any city in the world, especially the one that you thought had more bridges, it has even more than that. Pittsburgh has long been known for its steel industry, but is also a leading innovator in the industries of cloudiness, sandwich toppings, and driving slowly through tunnels. Pittsburgh's reputation for honest and tough, no nonsense, blue-collar living has made it an ideal place for young twenty and thirty year old professionals to learn how to play the banjo and/or accordion, wear flannel, and drink tea out of mason jars.


Pittsburgh was named after famed outdoorsman Billy the Pitt. Billy discovered Pittsburgh one day when he swam the length of the Ohio River on a dare. One man, whose name is lost to history forever, declared that Billy was a dirty scoundrel and couldn't swim as far as he could throw a beaver. Billy challenged this assertion by hurling a beaver approximately 300 miles to the northeast (this conversation happened around present-day Parkersburg, WV) and then proceeded to swim upstream to retrieve the beaver. This historic feat led to the founding of Pittsburgh, as well as to the formation of one of Billy the Pitt's most well-known monikers, Billy the Beaver Retriever, later shortened to Billy the Beave-Triever, later shortened to Billy the Re-Beaver, and then later lengthened slightly to Billy the Big Ol' Beaver Retriever. It is said that the beaver landed exactly where the Allegheny River and the Monongaheeeeyyyyy-ya, heeeeeyyy-ya River combined to create the twice as powerful Ohio River. Billy swam the roughly 300 miles in three days, swimming 280 miles in the first two hours before resting to finish the remaining 20 miles at a leisurely pace, befitting one of his other well-known monikers, Billy The Incredibly Fast and Then Very Very Slow Swimming Man of Kalamazoo. Upon reaching his destination, Billy retrieved said beaver and proceeded to hurl him back to West Virginia to return to his family. In a sad twist of fate, the beaver returned home to find the coal mine he had worked in for twenty years had gone bankrupt, leaving the beav unemployed and homeless (he also lived in the mine).

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